“So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses…”

These words of Paul have resonated so well with my anxious heart over the last few days (who are we kidding, since I learned I was coming to Kenya). Although, I cannot exactly say that I could have been seen as glad throughout the process...

 Yesterday it all became very real as we arrived in Kijabe and I started the orientation process. Realizing that I would be given in one hour the training to essentially run the internal medicine wards and step down unit team at Kijabe that took about 2 weeks as an intern at my own hospital…I started to panic. Learning to do medicine at a new hospital with different protocols, formularies, vernacular, and diseases is quite a daunting endeavor.

 Thoughts raced through my mind: How will I know the standard of care? How will I deal with the financial difficulties for patients (in a society where they must pay for their care up front or prior to leaving the hospital)? How will I deal with the language barrier? How will I know how to treat diseases I’ve only vaguely heard about in textbooks? How will I diagnose those diseases without the lab tests or radiologic imaging that I am accustomed to? How will I be expected to teach anything to Kenyan interns who clearly know more about their population and treatments than I do?…and the list goes infinitely on.

However, last night I also was introduced to the wonderful world of missionary community. After my brief and stress-filled orientation process, I met with the director of internal medicine who kindly invited me and the attending I would be working with to dinner. All of my questions were not answered, but I was given such a loving and warm supportive environment by them. I was kindly reminded of one of my favorite sayings, “Never worry alone.” That includes not only the other more experienced doctors in the hospital, but the Lord who is with me each and every day…Jehovah Rapha, the Great Physician who created each patient I will see and understands the intricate details of their illness.

He gently spoke to my anxious heart through this verse: “’My power works best in your weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know that it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 1 Corinthians 12:9b-10. I realized that in my severe lack of knowledge, I am required to depend on Him for strength, and in doing so He gains all the glory. I understand now that the month will be tough, but I am certainly not alone. I am surrounded by physicians, interns, and students that are more than willing to help answer my questions, and more importantly, I have the Source of all knowledge with me everywhere I go.

I am working on the glad part, but I certainly will boast in my weakness for the sake of depending more fully on the Lord. In fact, as a cripplingly independent person, that may be the most important lesson I learn all month.